Archive for the ‘101 Uses For Napalm’ category


March 31, 2011








Okay, for those who have read 101 Uses For Napalm #2, I have a solution. (Well, click on the dang link and read it.)

The batteries in my precision tire gauge went belly-up the other day. Long shot, but looked at Kroger’s and Lowe’s where we had groceries and Lowe’s thingies to buy – no luck.

I have been procrastinating a Wally-World trip, as the latest store remodeling has left a nightmarish labyrinth where nothing  appears where it should.  As a side note – the last trip there was also for some small batteries – and I went to 4 different locations in the store where there were shelves of batteries. I finally gave up and asked. You guessed it – “What’s it for?”

I was then directed to a fifth location, where I did find the size battery I wanted.  I think I’ll plan a special trip to count the number of locations where Wal-Mart has batteries. But in the mean time, I did a quick “google” to ascertain the air gauge batteries were not some rare item that could only be obtained with a security clearance and  NASA purchase order. Google directed me to Battery Bob’s where I found a two page list of the electronic toys that these same batteries operate.

Now I can’t wait for the clerk to ask me “What’s it for?”

In response I could pull out the following list:

Fits: Mannix Digital Thermometer DPT300E Calculated Industries Qualifier Plus IIIx calculator SR44 Lithium LR44FE44 FR44 Performance Tool Co. Digital Caliper W80153 Sears Craftsman 2875114 Air Compressor/Inflator Nikon FM 10 uses two Taylor Digital Thermometer model 9840 Guide Gear Standard Tactical Weaver Laser Sight Breezy Singer Chirping Bird Temp Rite thermometer model 980N Arthur Court Duck Timer Nikon F3 Camera Nikon FG Camera Nikon EM Camera Nikon FE Camera Olympus 35 EC2 uses 2 HP Calculator HP10b HP Calculator HP11c HP Calculator HP15c HP Calculator HP16cHP Calculator HP42sHP Calculator HP32s HP Calculator HP17b HP Calculator HP17bii HP Calculator HP20s HP32sii HP10b HP11c HP15c HP16c HP42s HP32s HP17b HP17bii HP20s HP32sii Lux Win 100 thermostats Maxxima MF-43W Turntable light Micronta 22-165 Digital Multimeter Micronta 70/440VAC P-89 Voltage SensorPulsar Watch Model V701-9A00 FUNDEX GAMES Mexican Train board Audio-Technica Pro 24 stereo condenser microphone 6″ MITUTOYO Digital Vernier Calipers Model # 500-115 Mitutoyo 500115 Mitutoyo Oregon Scientific Pulse Monitor/Pedometer PE316PM Intermatic model DT27 Casio PQ10 Alarm Clock Texas Instruments Calculator TI1750 uses 2 Diamon Crown Precision Hygrometer personal cigar humidifier WELLGAIN Clock Model MS508 Texas Instrument TI30X Calculator Cen-tech digital caliper model number 93293 a knock-off of the Shopsmith 6″ caliper Music Book for children ShopSmith Digital Caliper Barbie Island Princess Doll uses 2 Fisher Price Rescue Heroes MSW LR44 CELL LR44 Casio Alarm Watch PQ-10-1R uses 2, Texas Instruments TI-30Xa Battery Scientific Calculator, Oregon Scientific Model PE316FM, Hewett Packard Calculator HP-27S, GE 51208 Personal Keychain Security Alarm uses 4, Sharp EL-531W, Metris Instruments TN002PC Mini Infrared Thermometer, Mews Ments 2 in 1 Laser Pet Toy Exerciser and Flashlight, Texas Instrument Calculator TI35X, TEXAS INSTRUMENTS Calculator BA35, Xena XM 10 Xena, Xena XM10 Xena, Xena disc lock alarm for a motorcycle, Irwin 3061002 Chop Saw Laser Guide, Multimeter made by Wavetec model DM78A, Olympus OM4T camera, Frankford Arsenal Electronic Digital Caliper, Kettler Golf exercise bike, SmartyKat Loco, Zircon LaserBall 360 for leveling, Takara Motion Activated Bluebird, Sharp EL-5100S-T programmable calculator, Oregon Scientific OUTBREAKER Sportwatch RX 107 wheel sensors, Tiny Love Activity Ball, Accutire pressure R092000, Hewlett Packard, HP22, 4520003 Model PU-701 Pulse Meter, TI-30XA, Calculated Industries Real Estate Master IIIX Model 3405 calculator, Hach TDS meter, TI-60, Texas Instruments TI-60 Texas Instruments, Sharp Scientific Calculator EL506G, SYLVACELL GP76A Sylvacell, SYLVA CELL GP76A Sylva cell, Good Cook 25111 Thermometer, Sharp EL 509A Scientific Calculator Sharp EL509A Sharp, Digitech travel alarm clock ATC-401 Digitech, TI-30XA Calculator TI-30XA, Texas Instrument TI-30XA Texas Instrument, Beretta Model 92 Beretta, Casio FX250H Casio, Casio Calculator FX250H Casio Calculator, Hallmark Ornaments (Assorted Models) Tasco Red Dot Scope, TAYLOR DIGITAL THERMOMETER 9640A Taylor, Intermatic EJ500C wall timers, Intermatic EJ500C Intermatic, HP calculator HP-32s2, HP calculator HP-12C, HP calculator Hp-20S,ACCUTIRE air pressure gage Accutire, CEN-TECH Caliper #47257 Centech, CEN-TECH Caliper 47257 Centech, CEN-TECH 47257 Centech, LR44 PANASONIC LR44, LL44, A76 RW82, TI BA 35 CALCULATOR, HP11C, HP32SII, HP 11C, HP 32S II, HP calculator model 11C, HP calculator model 32S II, Hewlett Packard calculator model 11C, Hewlett Packard calculator model 32S II, Texas Instruments TI-35 Calculator, TI-35 Calculator TI-35, Techko model #S086C Techko, Techko S086C Techko, Texas Instruments TI35 Calculator, Sportline 360 Fitness Pedometer, SHARP Business Financial Calculator EL 731, EL731 Sharp Calculator SHARP Business Financial Calculator EL731,Intermatic timer Model TB121 digital programmable timer, Intermatic timer TB121 digital programmable timer, Shack EC4030 calculator, Meprolight LED FingerLight 66111, Intermatic TB121, MAXELL CR 44, MAXELL CR44,EL531R, Sharp Scientific Calculator EL531R takes two LR44, Sharp EL531R, DT121C timer, Shimano Wireless bicycle computer SM-6501, HP 11C calculator, HP 12C calculator, HP 15C calculator, HP 16C calculator, HP 32S calculator, HP 32SII calculator, Sharp EL-506H calculator, SKIL Laser Level 610924433, EL733A, Sharp EL-733A Business Calculator, Instant read cooking thermometer Taylor model 9840, Taylor model 9840 instant read cooking thermometer, 63-911 Radio Shack, Radio Shack 63-911, Intermatic digital DT121C timer, Pedometer made by Yamax sw-701, Yamax sw-701 Pedometer Disney PIXAR Cars Tour the Town Play A Sound Play Boo, MiracleBeam Class IIIA Laser, Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong II JR55, Redi-Check Model No. ET-3 Meat Thermometer, pH Spear meter 1211032 manufactured by Oakton, Oakton 1211032, Accusplit Pro Survivor stop watch, SUNCOM LR44 Sportline Stopwatch Model GW4203AS, Sportline Stopwatch GW4203AS, Olympus Digital Voice Recorder Model WS-311M, Hewlett Packard HP-11c, Hewlett Packard HP-16C, HP-11C, HP-16C hex calculator, Accusplit Pro Survivor Stopwatch, Sportline 350 Pedometer, Sharp EL-533, Intermatic Electronic Timer model EJ500, Intermatic Electronic Timer EJ500,Thomas the tank engine lights and sounds, Music N Lights Safety First Walker, Kolcraft activity center for the mini piano, TI-30XA Calculator, Stylus 08513 Micro RC Racer, Laserlyte Bore Sighter universal .22 – .50 cal, Telco Model S086N, Radio Shack Headset Microphone 33-3012 Radio Shack, Circuitmate DM78 by Emerson Electronics, HP 15C calculator, RADIO SHACK LR44, Yashica FXD Quartz SLR, SHARP scientific calculator EL-509A, mySportline talking Pedometer 343, HP15C calculator, HP 15C Calculator, Pyrex brand digital meat thermometer, PANASONIC LR 44, SHARP EL 506D, SHARP EL506D, SHARP CALCULATOR EL 506D, SHARP CALCULATOR EL506D, Sennheiser Shotgun video microphone, WESLO Cardio Glide, IntelliTEC WPT1000 Digital Water Purity Tester, LR44, HP 32S calculator, lavalier microphone audio technica, ATR35s, Radio Shack EC4000 Scientific Calculator, Dyna Trap insect trapper, Nikon FE2, Pentax K1000, Texas Instruments calculator model TI30XA Texas Instrument Calculator, HP 11C calculator, HP 12c calculator, Lord of the Rings Goblet, CheckMan Mini LCD Volt/Ohm Meter model DM 1000, DM1000, ACURITE model 13003 digital LED Alarm clock, ACURITE 13003 digital LED Alarm clock, 13003 Acurite, Hewlett Packard HP12C, Hewlett Packard HP-12C, Circuitrace DM73 digital multimeter, DM73, Circuitrace DM-73 digital multimeter, G13 C, Minolta Flash Meter III, Sunbeam Misquito Repeller, Sesame Street story books, Texas Instrument Calculator BA35, TI BA35 Calculator, The Pampered Chef Kitchen Clock/Timer, The Pampered Chef Kitchen Clock Timer, The Pampered Chef Kitchen Timer, The Pampered Chef Clock, Evenflo ExerSaucer, Nashbar Cyclocomputer, Baby Einstein Animal Melodies, Accu-Gage digital tire gauge, Motorcycle Disc Lock Alarm XENA XM9, XENA XM9, LaCrosse Wireless Infra-Red Thermometer, BECKMAN DM78, CIRCUITMATE DM78, and these Calculators: Calculator TI-30X-A, and many toys, tools and portable devices.


Well Ollie, another fine mess.

December 10, 2008


I usually attempt to inject a little humor into my posts – but this one is going to stretch the funny bone. It began as so many do, with the morning reading of our poor excuse for a daily paper. Skimming through the numerous articles (all plagiarized from other sources) regarding the arrest of our current elected governor criminal, led us to a side bar where Lt. Gov. Pat Quinn was quoted as saying he was “ready to step in and serve as governor.”

I pointed this out to Nan and she responded with the same thought I was having. “Sounds just like that general – what was his name?”

As I couldn’t think of him either, I asked the wise sage, Google.

Now here’s a sad commentary, when you can just type in the words, “I’m in charge” and the immediate and first response is Alexander Haig. While I believe his actual quote was, “I’m in control here”, he is firmly and forever planted in history as Noah Webster’s perfect example of – I’m in charge!

Sounds like Quinn could be another candidate for the natural political evolution in our proud state. That being elected official then convicted felon. Makes one proud to note that five of our last nine governors have earned felony indictments – in all fairness (ha!) Bill Stratton bought beat the rap. Kerner, Walker and Ryan all went to prison, and if there is any kind of justice left, Blagojevich will surely follow. While ten other states have donated governors to the federal prison population, Illinois is by far the largest contributor.

Where do we get these people? Well look no farther than the mind set of the political gene pool in Illinois.  Senator Richard Durbin (IL) has petitioned for executive clemency for former Illinois Gov. George Ryan and in doing so was quoted as having said that as he had just won another six year term and the voters will forget this before he’s up for re-election.

I, for one, am saving money to take out a full page ad to remind him of this when that time comes.

101 Uses For Napalm – #7

August 23, 2008

Yesterday’s Southern Illusion carried a story on page one, reporting that a female graduate of a local high school has filed a Title IX complaint against the school, alleging that the school has discriminated against the girls’ athletic program by allowing “the display of a 4 foot by 5 foot framed photograph of the 2001-02 boys’ basketball team in the commons area.” (This team placed second in the state tournament.)

She says that there are four other teams who placed second in state competition (we assume they may be female) whose team photographs are somewhat smaller and displayed elsewhere in the school.

Her demand is that all the photos be made the same size and displayed in the same area.

Incidentally, her photo accompanying the article is slightly larger than that of the child molester on page 8 – and,  as their activities are similarly offensive, we demand same size photos, etc.     Read Confusion

“Ah . . . Baker flight . . . hold Baker 3 and 4 at five north-west, angels plus 4 . . . we’ll need them for an additional strike on the newspaper for running this story. Baker 1 and 2 cleared in hot on the lady . . . er, broad. Your run in is from east to west with a left turn off target.”

101 Uses For Napalm #6

January 19, 2008


“All ready, sir. Nape and CBU-24s”

It looks as if BMW has made my list of “targets of opportunity.” I just picked up my “new” 330ci just before Christmas (see The Emperor’s New Car ) and I can honestly say that it will be my last BMW. There is much to not like about it – mainly, all of the “high-tech” crap that I already mentioned. However, what really places it on our napalm target list is all of the features that have to be programmed by a dealer before you can use them.

I haven’t priced this service, but have seen posts on the various BMW forums quoting fees of $50 or $60 to plug the computer up and program a change. I counted 15 different items that the dealer must program – say $50 each for $750 worth.

Naturally, having all the changes done at one time would probably bring a discount rate, as I understand the fee is more for putting it on the computer than for dialing in the settings. But then, if you had them all done and don’t like some it can become an endless process.

What really ticks me off about all of this is that Nan’s Acura SUV has most of these same features that are either standard or can be programmed by the owner with simple button pushing. BMW should have gone this route and if they needed the money that badly, just programmed the car to debit the owner’s credit card each time the key was inserted. They’ll probably pick up on that – but hey, I’m not buying another one anyway.

Here is a boring list of the programmable items from my owner’s manual:

1 “Beep” signal for electronic door lock. How would Jason Bourne steal cars if this were deactivated?

2 Activate door locks automatically when you begin to drive. Whatever.

3 Set door locking specific to each ignition key. Not sure how this really differs from the one above – and I’m sure not going to pay the dealer so I can try it.

4 Deactivate the security alarm motion and tilt sensors. So if I’m gonna lock the kids or the dog in the car and park in the hot sun while I go in the bar for a cold one, I have to run by the dealer’s first and have this deactivated?

5 Different “beep” signals for activating and deactivating the alarm. Whatever!

6 Set individual ignition keys for seat and mirror adjustments. As I seem to change these pretty often to suit whatever position I have moved to, this sure is a waste.

7 Set individual ignition keys for outside mirror tilt when reversing. Good Lord! Do we really need the mirrors to tilt down, anyway?

8 Change the computer fuel mileage readout to different unit of measure. Just what I wanted to know – just exactly how many cups of $3.50 a gallon (on a good day) are we using each mile?

9 Ice warning returns to previous computer readout. This whole ice-warning thing is pretty annoying. What seems to happen is that you take off down the road, and as soon as the computer figures it’s below 38-degrees, it lets out a rather loud “beep” – which always scares the crap out of me and I immediately look for a warning light telling me the engine has blown. Hey, I just got in the car and I already know it’s cold. Of course, having the readout return to what you were using it for might be nice (see the next one – the missile part.)

10 Signal when PDC (Park Distance Control) aide is activated. Shifting into reverse activates ultrasonic sensors in the rear bumper to measure distance to objects behind you – signaling with a variable tone. With a little tinkering, this can possibly be converted to launch missiles at the BMW dealer.

11 Activate the headlights when engine running for daytime driving. I presently have a set of headlights that never come on. The regular ones are the HID Xenon but the other Halogen ones are just for daylight driving and there is no switch to just turn them on.

12 Adjust the sensitivity of the automatic headlight switch. Great! I was worried how to tell if it got dark – handy feature if driving around Atlanta as I keep my eyes closed in that traffic.

13 Turn on the rear window defroster automatically if the temperature is below 39 degrees. If you can’t see when the window fogs up, you probably cheated on the driver’s license vision test.

14 Set individual ignition keys for different heater/air conditioning settings. Lot of good that would do, I have to change these pretty regular – as the automatic climate control thing would confuse an astronaut. I usually end up hot and open the back windows to adjust it.

15 Deactivate this function: “When you activate the headlamp flasher after parking the vehicle with the lights turned off, the low beam headlights will come on for a short time.” This is one of my favorites, so I printed it verbatim, right out of the manual. WTF is this all about?

101 Uses For Napalm #5

November 6, 2007

This morning’s news included a report that a demonstration by thousands of lawyers in Islamabad, Pakistan was broken up by police using tear gas and clubs.

Thousands of lawyers?

All together?

In one place?

101 Uses For Napalm #4

October 26, 2007

War of the Worlds


Last winter, we installed a new hot water heater. Torn between a duplicate of the one I was replacing – that only lasted twenty years – or a new technology, save-the-environment-along-with-the-whales type, I chose the latter.

Mostly, my choice was dictated by it being short and plump, instead of tall and thin like the old one. Hey, all I know about this save-the-whales thing is that it’s hardly worth it if you can’t collect the whole set, and we all know how difficult it is to spear a good trophy Eubalaena.

Then, later this summer, we did a pretty extensive remodel of the master bath – removing a small shower and replacing a sunken tub with a larger shower. Going with fairly decent stuff, I noted that the shower control (on-off knob, you cretins) included a built in device thingy that prevented the hot & cold-water mixture from burning your little ass.

Well, okay.

As the weather turns toward fall and dreaded winter, I noted yesterday that the shower wasn’t as warm as I would like. I figured the only way to overcome the shower control’s water temperature governor would be to turn up the water heat. I wandered down later and took a look at the controls on the water heater where I found an aircraft type annunciator panel, with enough LED warning lights to thrill a low time Lear pilot. I admit I was somewhat impressed with the indicators that depict failure of either of the heating elements and took a little pride in my decision on the heater purchase.

Locating the temperature control, I twisted it around to just short of scald. That ought-ta work!

All’s right with the world until this morning, when I get up and take a cold shower. What the heck? Try the water in the sink, and it’s cold, too. Back to the water heater – where I find a blinking LED-warning indicator that tells me the water is too hot, so it has shut the heat elements off. I turn the temperature control down and hit the reset button.

Now I’m back to hot water that is governed down to just above warm by this shower control thingy as these two high-tech appliances go to war with one another.

“Angel flight is 085 off Udorn for 40 – Fox 4s with Nape and Mk-85s. ETA . . . oops, sorry, we have to abort – over temp warning on number two.”

Follow up to 101 Uses For Napalm #3

September 3, 2007


I first ran across Don Winslow when I randomly purchased his California Fire and Life. Immediately I fell for his clipped style dialog, and followed this book up with his The Death and Life of Bobby Z, another winner and an introduction to one of my very favorite books, Winslow’s The Power of the Dog.

I see today where The Death and Life of Bobby Z has been made into a movie called simply Bobby Z and, skipping the theaters, is to be released on DVD the day after tomorrow. As this does not indicate great things for a movie, I searched for and read a couple of film reviews. The general thought appears to be that you should just skip this, and it will probably never even make cable TV.

I guess we can target another director for his poor interpretation of a story –

God bless Dow Chemical.

. . . Falcon 2, cleared in hot.