101 Uses For Napalm #3

I was excited when Stephan Coonts’ Flight of the Intruder was made into a movie. The book had gotten my attention as a Vietnam War novel, combining just the right mix of aviation, action, suspense, romance and heroism. It became one of my favorite reads, and by the time the movie was released, I had been back through it several times. Now there was coming a big screen thriller that, in comparison, would pale Top Gun into a characterization of used-car commercials.

The first hint that all was not right was the casting of Rosanna Arquette in the roll of Callie, our hero’s love interest. Rosanna Arquette has about as much appeal as a week-old onion bagel and could certainly take acting lessons from our golden retriever. She’s a textbook example of Hollywood’s slimy “goings on,” where a no-talent, homely woman makes a career . . . somehow . . .

It is, as they say when they are too lazy to continue, ”beyond the scope of this article” to describe all that was wrong with that film. Take my word for it that this was possibly one of the worst movies of its time, and really floored me that such a good book would parent such a terrible movie. To the point that I did some research into how books become movies and discovered that the director usually has a free reign to interpret the story as he sees fit. So we’ll blame that SOB –

However our SOB turns out to be none other than John Milius who also directed some decent stuff; The Wind and the Lion, as well as several lesser grade movies, and wrote screenplays for such films as The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (which he also directed) – Apocalypse Now; 1941; Sudden Impact and along the way provided us with several popular quotes such as, “Go ahead, make my day” and, “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.” Obviously something went wrong – maybe breathing a little too much of that morning napalm?

That brings us to another director, Paul Greengrass who just gave us The Bourne Ultimatum, which is the target-rich environment for today’s air strike. Paul also did the prior Bourne Supremacy, which shows us that he has followed Milius into professional decline. Had the Bourne Ultimatum been the first of the three, there would have never been the last two. The plot was weak to the point that it was either nonexistent, or a “been-there-done-that” reflection of the other two, proving that “if you have seen one . . .”

However, what really jumps up and begs for a canister drop is the camera work. I don’t understand what these idiots are thinking about, but it seems to have begun with this B.S. “artsy” practice of having the film start and restart in jerks, along with uncalled for zooms-in-and-out. It has now evolved into shaky, “hand-held” camera scenes – and this whole movie is done in that format. We saw it in a “stadium-seating” theater, and after the first 5 minutes I was so dizzy I was afraid I would fall. A terrible experience and completely ruined what little was left of the movie.

Somebody needs to clue these assholes . . . If The Flight of the Intruder had been done right (and first,) there would have been no Top Gun. Tom Cruise would be a second rate actor and Stephen Coonts would have replaced Robert Ludlum as the author to read. And if the 1st Jason Bourne movie had been filmed with this crap-style camera motion, there would have never been sequels grossing $70 million for the opening night.

So, until they get the word – it’s crispy critter time.

“ . . . Drop your nape on the 260-degree heading – from the “Goofy Grape” for 200 yards. Falcon flight is cleared in hot.”

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