Jesus or Barry Gibb?

Last week brought the latest sighting of Jesus – this time by Mary Joe Coady, of Methuen, MA on the bottom of her steam iron.

Far be it for me to be skeptical, (ha!) but a quick search shows alleged images of Jesus on everything from potato chips to interior doors advertised on eBay at prices rivaling Porsche Boxsters.

For some boring background take a quick look at Wikipedia , and while this source is not the last word on anything, I think we can all agree that Kodak moments were in short supply during Jesus’ life;

The first photograph was made in 1814 by Nicéphore Niépce using a sliding wooden box camera made by Charles and Vincent Chevalier in Paris, the photograph was not permanent though and it faded. Niépce built on a discovery by Johann Heinrich Schultz (1724): a silver and chalk mixture darkens under exposure to light. While this was the introduction of photography, the history of the camera can be traced back much further. Photographic cameras were a development of the camera obscura, a device dating back to the Book of Optics (1021) of the Iraqi Arab scientist Ibn al-Haytham (Alhacen), which uses a pinhole or lens to project an image of the scene outside onto a viewing surface. – Wikipedia

And additional sleep inducements (again from Wikipedia) on the idea of Jesus’ image;

The depiction of Jesus in art took several centuries to reach a conventional standardized form for his physical appearance, which has subsequently remained largely stable since that time. Most images of Jesus have in common a number of traits which are now almost universally associated with Jesus, although variants are seen.

The image of a fully-bearded Jesus with long hair did not become established until the 6th century in Eastern Christianity, and much later in the West. Earlier images were much more varied. Images of Jesus tend to show ethnic characteristics similar to those of the culture in which the image has been created. – Wikipedia

So.  Who do you see on the iron?

Greek idea of Jesus (oldest - 6th Century)

Chinese idea of Jesus

Polydor Records idea of Jesus

Ethiopian idea of Jesus

Bad boys, bad boys. Watcha gonna do?

Patty, Brett, JC’s son, a sober JC and wife in our garage at Daytona – bike has been renumbered for a short race the morning after the 8 Hour. (Photo from Oct ‘06 Race)

This year’s October bike week at Daytona was opened in grand style by our old “friend,” sometime sponsor and millionaire playboy, Jamie (JC) France. Jamie’s opening act was to get himself arrested in a high-speed chase while racing across the Seebreeze Bridge in his Lamborghini against half-brother Russell’s Porsche Cayenne . Both were drunk and Russell ended the fiasco with a shouting match with arresting officers where he was quoted with such intelligent tidbits as, “I am a France. Do you know what that means? We own this city.”

Followed by, “I am gonna have your job. This is the biggest mistake ever. You are so done in Daytona.”

And the smartest thing he said was the, “Oh f—“, when the officer rifled through his pants pockets and found a plastic bag full of cocaine.

In an additional display of brilliance, a woman riding in the front seat with Russell (who said she hardly knew him) told police, “He was going so fast, I put my seat belt on.”

While Russell’s little tantrum topped it off, Jamie’s participation was good enough to gain him a “lifetime” suspension from his day job of driving the Brumos Porsche in the Rolex Sports Car Series. (We’ll see how this works out – as daddy owns the series.)

Brett suggested we call him and offer to fill in driving the Porsche for the rest of the season – however he’d have to change the number to 76.

And if you don’t understand, you just haven’t been reading this blog. (Bike Racing)

Serious Thought For The Week

Money can’t buy happiness . . .

But it feels better crying in a Porsche than a Hyundai or Kia!

Okay . . . Who Is Actually On First?

While building five airplanes and tinkering with dozens more, I have worked with a lot of types of aluminum; 1100, 3003, 5052, 2024, 6061, and 7075 alloys – in various stages of temper; 0, H14, H32, H34, T3, T351, T42, T6, T651 all in both bare and Alclad finish.

I have purchased the aluminum from probably as many as 12 different sources over the years and have never once seen it listed as “Aircraft” aluminum.  Yet, browsing though any automotive, boating, motorcycle, lawnmower, kitchen appliance, etc. catalog will produce any number of items manufactured out of “Aircraft Grade” aluminum.

Being a born worrier, it has always bothered me that I didn’t know what this “Aircraft Grade” aluminum really was . . . until last night. While looking through a new aircraft accessory catalog (of all things), I came across a page of GPS mounting kits that were made of . . .

You got it!

“Marine Grade” aluminum.

Thinning The Herd

A while back I posted an article “Big Brother is Watching . . .” that mentioned Wal Mart’s computer program. (Why aren’t you reading the old posts?)

Yesterday we stopped by Sam’s and saw what can only be the bait for a new use of their computer prowess.

There, in the DVD section, you could buy a video of 633 television commercials. My only hope is that this triggers the big computer system housed in the Bensenville facility to place a call to Assassins – R – Us, forwarding all the relevant data from the purchaser’s Sam’s Club membership card and dispatching a club-wielding killer to pound them into oblivion.

Whoever coined the quote, “it takes all kinds,” surely didn’t mean to include people who actually like TV commercials.

If a Thing Is Worth Doing . . .

If you can believe whomever whoever those people the Southern Illinoisan plagiarized for today’s article on the latest round of mass murders, then there have been eight rampages claiming 57 dead since March 10^th.

Coined by Thomas Paine in his first Crisis pamphlet; often quoted by Mark Twain; and immortalized by Jacqueline Steiner & Bess Hawes in Charles’s epic adventure around the Boston underground, these ARE, in fact, the times that try men’s souls.

Political unrest.

Wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and probably Canada by the time Hillary gets through annoying everyone.

The economic disaster that’s hit all of us (with the exception of those eBay people who keep bidding against me for that Nikon D70 camera body.)

It’s all enough to set Margaret Anderson or Carol Brady off on a killing spree.

Unfortunately, I can’t offer solutions for our national crisis, but I do have a suggestion that may ease your collective troubled minds and efficientize the process a bit. I’m carrying a small notebook along with me and entering names and addresses of all those rude store clerks, telemarketers, cell-phoning drivers, politicians, and authors of garage door opener installation instructions. If I ever snap, go off the deep end and M-16 my way through the huddled masses, I want a purpose. Randomizing something this big is a total waste, and I want to take the people with me that deserve to go.

Get your own notebook – and if I rub you the wrong way, jot my name and address down in yours – it’s “Smith, general delivery, Chicago.”

Okay – give it a rest

I got a call from a friend last night who told me that his wife’s cousin used to have  neighbors who had vacationed in Montana one summer where they had chatted briefly with a convenience store clerk who’s sister’s third grade teacher had heard rumors of a lady living just south of Portales, New Mexico who may have had an aunt named Jewel.

That doesn’t work for me either.

Teleporting Information to Headquarters

My daughter just spent spring break in North Carolina while my wife was in Costa Rica, leaving me completely unsupervised and baby-sitting daughter’s cat, Alfred/Pithy/Pissy.  Alfred is a girl cat who was nicknamed Pissy for some unknown reason as she has the sweetest personality of any animal (and a lot of humans) that I have ever been around. With my hearing not as great as I would like, I spent a long time thinking the nickname was Pithy; therefore any referral to her in print is Alfred/Pithy/Pissy.

Names out of the way, I’ll get on with my discovery.

This week has convinced me where Wikipedia comes up with  it’s information. There appears to be a large network of researchers, all busy gathering data on every known object and activity,  reporting  the raw data back to Wikipedia. Of  these researchers, I am convinced Alfred/Pithy/Pissy is a senior staff member.

Example:

Yesterday morning as I exited the shower, Alfred/Pithy/Pissy greeted me from the top of the chest of drawers. Apparently she was in the process of counting the many diverse methods and positions available for lying on an elevated 3′ X 2′ surface. (No,  Don, I didn’t measure it so don’t send me exact chest measurements.) Immediately after exhausting the position research, she began attempting all the possible Jiu-Jitsu moves that can be initiated from the back. Undoubtedly these will eventually appear in any Google of the Gracie Acadamy or Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

A quick leap from the chest began a neck straining peek into a bottom dresser drawer left open about an inch. You could almost smell the brain cells overheating as she measured the opening and compared it to the possible drawer capacity, filing the information as a potential hiding place in the event that her immediately launched tactical attack on the imaginary Gs (gremlins, ghosts and goblins) fell short of the planned expulsion of these from the wicker basket holding the shower mat thingies.

And if you think that sentence is over long and runs together – you should have seen her in non-stop action.

The short lived battle for supremacy over the Gs was followed with a test of obtainable speed in an all-out run halfway down the stairs with a leap for maximum distance onto the first floor. Not one to waste the inertia, she continued the dash down the hall and capped it off with a sideways, four-pawed slide on the hardwood floor.

I’m sure the statistics obtained will eventually appear in the physics section, and also under friction heat, inertia, cornering force, acceleration, stopping power and possibly even finish-coating hardwood. And with the jump from halfway down the steps, maybe the world record section, also.

As I arrived downstairs, opening the pantry door to collect my morning Corn-Cheks also opened up a new world of exploration for this master researcher.

“Oh look up there – what’re all the cans for – why is the canned Tuna on the highest shelf, it needs to be . . . and why are there cleaning things down here -  is that a chicken – I need to maybe get up on a shelf -  ooooh a light came on when you pulled on that – were those socks in that drawer upstairs -  is there milk  here – wow, dark in the corner underneath the shelves – think there might be a mouse to chase – look at the pretty labels – what’s in the little boxes . . .????”

Another day begins.

Think Spring!

Where have all the Flowers …

The short story by Lehane that I meant to write about yesterday, before I got sidetracked, was called Running Out of Dog. Great story with an underlying tale of a small town mayor who hired a man to kill stray dogs who might wander onto the interstate highway and repulse tourists with the resulting collection of road kill.

The center of the plot is a charismatic, beautiful, sexy woman named Jewel (reminiscent of Lorraine in A Love Song For Bobby Long). As I read the story just after watching that movie, the two left me in a rather weird mood. But what really bothered me was her name – Jewel.

The name Jewel appears frequently in books and movies, but given some serious thought, I cannot remember having ever known, or even meeting anyone named Jewel.  Somewhere in my peripheral memory there must be one, but I sure can’t focus on her.  I have known a March, some Aprils, Mays, Junes, even a July, an August and in the gem catagory a couple of Ruby’s, a Sapphire, Amber, Opal, Pearl, Beryl, and a Garnet. With the wave of “Hollywood” induced names we now see, I am sure that there are additional gemstone names, perhaps even a Dioptase or a Spodumene (look ‘em up), but I’m talking about the ones I have met or known – again, no Jewel.

Again, as the name Jewel appears with some regularity in books and movies, but fails to appear in real life, I am beginning to wonder if the real Jewels have changed their names for some reason or other.

Was there originally a couple; Brad Pitt and “Jewel” Jolie, attempting to be the first to complete a  set of ethnic children?

Or a first family; Franklin and “Jewel” Roosevelt?

And was it really a “Jewel” Hamm who led the US woman’s soccer team to the gold in the 1996 and 2004 Olympics?

Have they all changed their names ?

Just where have all the Jewels gone?